need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
