I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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