She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
