Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
