i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
