This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am available for nakedness
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
