you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
