Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Shame is for Republicans.
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