she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
