A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
