you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
