Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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