He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
