I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
