She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
