I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
