I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
