I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he's gonorrhea incarnate
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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