so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
