people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
