I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
