He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
