I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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