Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
