When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
