Screwed.edu
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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