dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
