I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
