better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
