the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well you can't waste a boner
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
