You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
