he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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