I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
