ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
