playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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