Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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