I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
