allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
