Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
