I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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