I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
