I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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