He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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