Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
