my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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