do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
