Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You made out with two different species that night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
