Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
