Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
