3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
