Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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