areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
