we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
