So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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